This dude, man, he took the cake. I've actually been meaning to put this chad on blast for a min, but as I said originally, I'm not so good at following thru with things in a timely manner. Being that I work at Starbucks, I'm exposed to an abnormally high level of doucheness on a regular basis. Not surprising, I know...But about a month ago, my chode radar picked up a subject that was way off the Chad Charts...
I mean, every generic trendy cool guy accessory you can think of, this D-bag had it. Seeing as I didn't have my trusty rusty camera with me at work, you just have to settle for my verbally painted photo. I supposed we'll start at the top, although the way this dude was dressed, I could start anywhere. His crown was adorn with some second rate, harsh, Lids leftover New Era. You know, one that wouldn't even sell at the outlet in Woodburn. Oh, and you know he had every sticker it came with on it still, price tag included. Slightly down the jaw line, he had two iced out cross earrings dangling off his earlobes. I mean, these knock off diamond Jesus pieces wouldn't even have been acceptable as a necklace on some mainstream rapper's chest. Speaking of his chest, this happened to be draped in a premium cotton, v-neck Dunk junkie t-shirt. Definitely not an official Swoosh product, I'm assuming that Urban Outfitters was cashing in on peoples new found obsessions. I mean, Sneakerology is the truth, but there are way too many newby, supposed sneakerheads out there these days. Panning down, he had a on some tight black jeans (of course). I'm not sure whether they were authentic or not, cause I'm not really down for staring at dude's asses, but they appeared to be some too tight designer denim. When did dude's pants become as tight or tighter than chick's??? Just wondering. Despite the lack of need for one, these painted on pants were held up with one of the worst belts I've ever seen. I mean, I'm not even sure that Hot Topic would sell this thing, but I'm assuming that's where it came from. The buckle put most rodeo champs to shame in size. Not to mention, it was encrusted with more fake diamonds than the earrings I described earlier. Oh, and it was that star shape that the fake mall punkers seem to have embraced ever since Travis Barker got it tatted on himself. Speaking of tatt's choad-o-rama had a cursive claim tatted on his forearm for all to see. Despite the fact that you think your tough for having a tattoo, when it reads "Trust the Lord," you lose all tough guy points. But I digress, his denim abominations tapered down and tucked themselves right on into the top of Chadrick's high tops. Like I was saying about these new found sneakerheads, they jump at any chance to grab a "limited" pair of Swooshes, with no regard for researching the actual limitedness of said Dunks. And of course, since this Bromo was a self-proclaimed Dunk Junkie, he had on some lame, limited sport culture Dunks that were probably another Urban Outfitter charge to credit card.
Now you can see why I felt this guy was in particular need of cataloging. Despite his riding the fence between emo hipster and gangster, he definitely manage to land himself in on category for sure: Douch Bag...
Remember...Gunz Don't Kill People...d
